Category Archives: Uncategorized

My Family, Uncategorized

BLACK LIVES MATTER / STOP AAPI HATE

It’s been a rough two years. I am grieving the loss of my beautiful godson. My son graduated college and moved 366 miles away for grad school. My daughter graduated high school and went off to her dream college. The house feels incredibly quiet. AND we are still in the middle of a pandemic that has killed over 563,000 people in the United States.

In the center of all of this, Black people are being murdered. I am outraged, but too frightened to join the protests. Too scared of the pandemic. I read to gain insight. I watch the news. I check in with my family and friends.

How do I go back to writing about “making my way to the next stop” when it feels like the world is stuck in this hate and division? This week another black man was shot and killed during a traffic stop. He could have been my son or daughter. I can’t find the words, so I will repeat what’s already been written:

BLACK LIVES MATTER

In line with these hateful times, violence toward Asians has come to light. The hate has always been there. Slurs or casual racist jokes made about Asians. Unreported violence. But now the news has begun to cover the violence. Asians minding their own damn business are getting stabbed, kicked or beaten…just for being Asian. In my sibling group chat, we tell each other to be careful. I stand with my community as we plead:

STOP ASIAN AMERICAN PACIFIC ISLANDER HATE

I know now that I grew up thinking, writing, and saying some very racist things. It’s hard to admit that. But I have spent the last 35+ years learning about that hate, listening to people, and trying to do better. I want to figure out how I can help.

I never know when I will write my next post. If this is my last one, I want my stance to be clear:

BLACK LIVES MATTER

STOP AAPI HATE

Uncategorized

Let’s Go and Lets Go

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I have 163 days left in my 40s.

My mantra for 2018 is “Let’s Go” with the apostrophe. In 2017, I lived a life of excuses:  I was too busy, too broke, too sick…the list was long.

With “Let’s Go!” as this year’s mission statement, my priorities become clearer:

  • Spend time with the people I love? Let’s Go!
  • Throw out all things in the house that I’m hoarding?  Let’s Go!
  • Get in better shape?  Let’s Go!

The mantra can be modified by dropping the apostrophe, “…lets go.”

  • Coz lets go of worrying about things out of her control.
  • Coz lets her children go without giving them the doom and gloom speech of all the bad things that can happen.
  • Coz lets go of toxic people and drama.

I was going to apologize for speaking in third person, but I’m letting it go.

I want to live in my 50s without making excuses or apologizing for choosing me.  In my 30s and 40s, I thought it was honorable to put everyone ahead of myself.  Everyone was fine, but I became more unhealthy and unhappy.

I gained 20 pounds.  I started medication for high blood pressure.  This isn’t how I want to live the next half of my life.

I am determined to spend these last 163 days working on the best me for 50.  LET’S GO!

I am so happy you all are still with me in 2018. What are your goals for 2018?  And what is your plan to get them done?

Prince

Sometimes It Snows In April

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“Sometimes it snows in April,

Sometimes I feel so bad

Sometimes I wish that life were never ending

All good things, they say, never last.” – Prince

 

I sensed something was terribly wrong when my phone started ringing and buzzing with texts. I quickly glanced down and saw the word “Prince.” My heart sank. I prayed that it was hoax. His songs started playing on the radio:  Kiss. Little Red Corvette. Raspberry Beret. A death has been reported in Paisley Park. I turned the radio off.  By the time I walked in my front door, I was crying.

I have loved Prince for almost 30 years.

His music is like a personal soundtrack to special moments in my life.  Certain songs remind me of a moment or connection.  Certain lyrics always make me chuckle.

As a teenager listening to “Take Me With You,” I daydreamed that one day someone would sing that to me “I don’t care where we go, I don’t care what we do. I don’t care pretty baby, just take me with you.”  I remember my best friend Michelle telling me there was a secret message recorded backwards at the end of “Darling Nikki” and it completely freaked me out when she showed me.  Hear it here.

In college, my roommate Marina absolutely LOVED Prince. On Friday nights, Prince would be singing, “Hot Thang, barely 21. Hot Thang, looking for big fun,”as we got dressed to go out. Marina spent a whole semester learning Cat Glover’s rap at the end of “Alphabet Street.” Marina followed him to any nearby city he would perform.  She once brought him purple roses.

In my 30s, when my son became obsessed with Batman (the Michael Keaton one), he would dance around the room to “Partyman” and “Batdance.”  A couple of years later, I had tears in my eyes when my daughter tapped danced to “Musicology” in her first (and last) dance recital.

The “Welcome to America” tour almost put a strain on my marriage as I kept buying tickets every time a new show was announced.  First, I bought 2 tickets for Marina and me.  Then another night was added so I HAD to take my husband.  When Prince added that third night, I knew I had to go with my sister and cousin, both true funk soldiers.  Best concerts ever.  Prince performed in Madison Square Garden like it was a little club.  Everyone was singing and dancing in the aisles.

Last year when I trained for those 5K races, I trained to Prince’s new stuff, “Funknroll” and “Goldstandard.”  I became obsessed with adding new Prince pictures to my Prince Board on Pinterest.

Just this morning, Elena and I singing, “Starfish and Coffee” while getting ready for school. I was begging her to name her daughter “Cynthia Rose,” just so I can sing that song to her.  Who knew that in a couple of hours my Prince would be gone?

Rest in Peace, Prince.

I wish you heaven.

Nothing Compares 2 U.

Love is too weak to define, just what you mean to me.

prince collage