It’s been a rough two years. I am grieving the loss of my beautiful godson. My son graduated college and moved 366 miles away for grad school. My daughter graduated high school and went off to her dream college. The house feels incredibly quiet. AND we are still in the middle of a pandemic that has killed over 563,000 people in the United States.

In the center of all of this, Black people are being murdered. I am outraged, but too frightened to join the protests. Too scared of the pandemic. I read to gain insight. I watch the news. I check in with my family and friends.

How do I go back to writing about “making my way to the next stop” when it feels like the world is stuck in this hate and division? This week another black man was shot and killed during a traffic stop. He could have been my son or daughter. I can’t find the words, so I will repeat what’s already been written:

BLACK LIVES MATTER

In line with these hateful times, violence toward Asians has come to light. The hate has always been there. Slurs or casual racist jokes made about Asians. Unreported violence. But now the news has begun to cover the violence. Asians minding their own damn business are getting stabbed, kicked or beaten…just for being Asian. In my sibling group chat, we tell each other to be careful. I stand with my community as we plead:

STOP ASIAN AMERICAN PACIFIC ISLANDER HATE

I know now that I grew up thinking, writing, and saying some very racist things. It’s hard to admit that. But I have spent the last 35+ years learning about that hate, listening to people, and trying to do better. I want to figure out how I can help.

I never know when I will write my next post. If this is my last one, I want my stance to be clear:

BLACK LIVES MATTER

STOP AAPI HATE